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What Is the ‘Resilience Paradox,’ and What Is It Costing You?

A psychologist explains the ‘resilience paradox,’ how pushing through can become self-neglect, and the signs it’s time to scale back.

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I recently watched an eye-opening TikTok video that highlighted how much of society lacks resilience. The user went on to explain some of the horrific trauma and medical conditions she’s endured, all while running a successful, thriving business. It’s clear: her resilience is admirable.

And while I completely agree that chronic victimhood is a toxic mindset and that resilience is a necessary part of survival, I also believe the conversation is incredibly nuanced. Sometimes, perceived “resilience” is actually self-neglect, and it can cause more harm than good.

I myself have been on both ends of the spectrum: pushing my body too hard in the name of “hustle culture” and ignoring the chronic stress I was under until I developed multiple autoimmune diseases—then burning out completely, feeling overwhelmed by the most minor of inconveniences and unable to function on a basic level.

Needless to say: resilience is crucial, but it doesn’t mean bypassing your own weaknesses and wearing your blind grit as a badge of honor. Rather, it means finding new ways to work with and around them, even if that means slowing down and carving out more time for self-care.

According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” 

“We conceptualize resilience as grit, determination, being ‘high functioning’—essentially, being able to keep going under adverse circumstances,” says Dr. Lily Kaufmann, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and anxiety. 

The American Psychological Association notes that different factors impact an individual’s ability to adapt to adversity. For example, how you view and engage with the world, your access to quality........

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