Get unlimited access to everything VICE has to offer.

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

Turn off all ads on VICE.com

Exclusive New VICE Documentaries

Member Exclusive Features & Columns

4 Magazines Delivered to Your Door

5 Signs You’re Accidentally Ruining Your Relationship, According to a Therapist

A therapist explains five ways you might dismiss your partner’s feelings without realizing it—and how to help them feel heard.

Share on X (Opens in new window)X

Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Facebook

Share using Native toolsShareCopied to clipboard

No romantic relationship is perfect. At some point, you will hurt your partner—and vice versa. What matters most is how well you repair after arguments or conflict. But one of the most important, and often overlooked, aspects of repair is validation.

When you acknowledge your partner’s experience, even if it differs from your own, you help them feel seen, heard, and supported in their pain. However, many people—often without realizing it—invalidate their partner’s emotions and perspective, creating a disorienting disconnect. 

If you fear you do this to your partner, or are wondering whether they do it to you, you’re in the right place. Here are five signs you might be accidentally invalidating your partner, according to a therapist.

1. You Confuse Being Right With Being Heard

Look, I get it: We all want to be right—and acknowledged as so—in an argument. But being right doesn’t mean your partner’s experience or perspective is invalid.

“When the goal of a disagreement becomes proving your side is correct, it can unintentionally dismiss your partner’s feelings and experience,” says Andrea Wiggs, LPC, therapist at Serenium Therapy and Wellness. “This can trigger your partner into a defensive or self-protective state that halts open communication and prevents reaching a resolution.”

For example, you may have said something that hurt your partner’s feelings. Even though you know in your heart of hearts you didn’t mean to be mean or attack them, they might still feel that way. Rather than telling them they’re wrong and blaming their emotions on........

© Vice