Unless you are a particularly skilled conversationalist, chances are you’ve experienced a dreaded awkward lull when talking to someone. What do you do when a conversation comes to a grinding halt because you’ve run out of things to say and are blanking on a new topic?

For folks who struggle with social anxiety, an awkward silence in a conversation rings like a death knell. Strategies for avoiding those moments feel like both cheat codes and life preservers, which is why people are loving the three tips for never running out of things to say shared by Smartish Stuff.

“Being good at conversations isn’t about being confident,” the video states. “It’s about skill. And like any other skill, from playing an instrument to writing well, it can be learned.”

Here are three things to do when you don’t know what to say:

1. Ask intentional questions

At their core, conversations are a back-and-forth of questions and answers and related statements. Mastering the questions part gives you a lot more control over how the conversation goes.

when there's an awkward lull in the conversation and u try to think of any conversation starter pic.twitter.com/dLkvegEHQh— buffysummere.bsky.social (@buffysummere) June 20, 2016

when there's an awkward lull in the conversation and u try to think of any conversation starter pic.twitter.com/dLkvegEHQh— buffysummere.bsky.social (@buffysummere) June 20, 2016

The example given in the video is someone saying, “I went golfing over the weekend.” How do you respond?

You might say, “Oh, that’s cool.” But that’s where the conversation dies.

Instead, you can ask questions like, “Where do you usually play?” or “How long have you been playing? Do you play competitively?”

“Even if you don’t care about golf, this shows genuine interest or at least creates the feeling of interest,” the video points out. “It also keeps the conversation alive and gives you control to guide it wherever you want.”

2. Listen more than you speak

It might seem logical that talking more will make you a better talker. But in reality, the best conversationalists are skilled listeners.

“Not the fake kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk, but active listening,” the video says. “That means paying full attention, not preparing your next line in your head. Because when you do that, you often miss the point completely and end up saying something random or off topic.”

Saying something random because you weren’t really listening is just as mortifying as awkward silence, so active listening is an important skill to master. It also ties into the asking intentional questions tip. As the video states:

“Active listening gives you real material to work with. You’ll pick up details, emotions, or small clues that lead to better follow-up questions. That’s how you keep the flow going, not through clever lines, but through genuine attention. There’s a quote that sums this up perfectly. Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. Don’t be that person. The world has enough of them already.”

Easier said than done when you’re stressed about what to say, but just remember that keeping the focus on really listening will actually give you more to talk about.

3. Find common ground

Sharing interests, experiences, values, tastes in music or food, etc. can help us connect with people quickly. But how do we determine what we might have in common with a person we’re just striking up a conversation with?

The answer to that question will depend on the specific conversation, of course. But employing the first two tips will usually lead you to some kind of common ground.

“Once you find that shared point, steer the conversation there,” the video suggests. “Suddenly, it stops feeling like effort. It becomes natural, fluid, and even fun.”

Will that happen every time? No. And that’s where a bonus tip comes into play: Accept that awkward lulls happen.

“Let’s be honest. Not every conversation will flow perfectly,” the video states. “Some will still hit dead ends. There will be awkward pauses and silent moments. That’s okay. Silence isn’t failure. It’s just space. Learn to be comfortable with it and it’ll stop feeling like pressure.”

I wish people didn’t think silence was awkward, just enjoy it. Not every space has to be filled with words— Introvert Problems (@IntrovertProbss) March 30, 2026

I wish people didn’t think silence was awkward, just enjoy it. Not every space has to be filled with words— Introvert Problems (@IntrovertProbss) March 30, 2026

The goal is not to convince people you’re interesting

The Smartish Stuff video wraps up with some wise words about what makes a good conversation:

“The truth is, good conversations aren’t about charm or confidence. They’re about curiosity, patience, and presence. If you apply these three methods, asking intentional questions, listening actively, and finding common ground, you’ll never truly run out of things to say. And over time, you’ll realize the goal isn’t to be interesting. It’s to be genuinely interested.”

People with social anxiety may still be left with questions, such as “How do I think of follow-up questions when my anxiety makes my mind go blank? How do I listen when I have loud, anxious thoughts blaring through my head? What if I can’t find common ground no matter how many questions I ask and how well I actively listen?”

Anxiety loves to come up with worst-case scenarios and imagine all of the ways something won’t work. And for people with severe social anxiety who need professional help to manage it, these tips may not be enough. But they are still worth working on, as they can help build the foundation that good conversations are based on.

For further help, talking with a therapist, doctor, or trusted friend could lower the volume on anxious thoughts.

Music, community and joy drive real change

In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin. 

It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest. 

The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn? 

Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.

Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world. 

Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends. 

Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.

A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission

Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education. 

But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities. 

The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere. 

You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.

Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil

In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country. 

“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says. 

But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.

Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model. 

“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.” 

Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria 

In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the........

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