IT WAS 2008, it was the crack of dawn and the queue for passport control at Charles deGaulle Airport was moving at the pace of un escargot.

In the control booth up ahead, a suspicious Inspector Clouseau was painstakingly scrutinising every document as if expecting the Jackal to materialise in front of him, sniper rifle crammed into his carry-on luggage.

After an aeon I presented my passport and wearily prepared to wait.

Instead, Clouseau glanced at the cover, flicked an eye over the main page and handed it back with a wide smile.

“Almost time for a new passport, Mademoiselle Irlande, eh? You must do better next time with ze photograph,” he tut-tutted loudly and cheerfully, waving me on. 

Mon dieu, everyone’s a critic.

Ah well, at least I was out the gap in jig time. And he had addressed me as “mademoiselle”, so there was that. 

Notwithstanding a sorry history of dodgy passport photos (excepting the current one which miraculously doesn’t resemble a headshot snapped by zombie maestro George A. Romero) I’m very fond of my Irish passport.

For a start, it’s a pretty little booklet, with every page decorated with Irish images, Celtic symbols and bits of poetry and music. And its eventual replacement, the updated Irish passport launched last week, will be even more lovely.

Its images were chosen after a public consultation involving over 15,000 people and as a result is festooned with Irish flora and fauna.

As the pages are turned, hand-drawn pictures of animals associated with autumn, winter, spring and summer appear, including a red fox, a hare, a puffin, an otter and a robin.

And best of all, a majestic Irish Wolfhound – one of the public’s favourite selections – adorns several pages.

But more importantly, the new passport is bristling with enhanced security features designed to protect........

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