The night of Oct. 7 did not end when the news cycle moved on. It walked into Jewish homes. It sat at kitchen tables and hunted us into our sleep. It showed up in the way parents looked at their children the next morning.

Every Jewish parent I know had the same quiet calculation: What do I need to change so my child is safe?

That question is not political. It is biological. You protect what you love.

In New York City, where I live and work, the concern is not abstract. NYPD hate-crime reports have consistently shown that Jews make up the largest share of victims in reported incidents. In several recent months, anti-Jewish cases accounted for more than half of all hate crimes investigated citywide. Those are public statistics. They influence behavior whether we speak about them or not.

Behavior shifts slowly. A Magen David goes under the shirt. Hebrew lettering disappears from a backpack. A kippah is replaced with a hat on the train. Parents advise their children to avoid certain conversations on campus. Some of those adjustments are prudent. Some fear drifting into identity.

I teach Krav Maga in New York City. Teaching people to become a stronger version of themselves is my profession. I train my students to function under stress and choose peace when it’s optional. My work is about helping people understand their choices and create clarity.  How do we identify early signs when something goes wrong? When someone invades your space, do you respond decisively? When fear rises, does it paralyze you or sharpen you?

Over the past two years, I have watched the same dynamics appear in Jewish parenting. Families are trying to balance caution with continuity. They want their children protected. They also want them proud. That balance requires discipline.

Safety is a responsibility. Silence is a coping mechanism. They are not interchangeable.

In self-defense, we teach three layers: reduce exposure, build capability and sharpen judgment.

Reducing exposure is intelligent. You choose better lighting. You avoid known trouble areas. You walk with awareness. You do not escalate ego conflicts. There is no virtue in unnecessary risk. Jewish law itself prioritizes preservation of life. Pikuach nefesh is not a slogan. It is a foundation.

The problem begins when exposure reduction expands beyond context and becomes personal erasure. When the message shifts from “be aware” to “be less Jewish.” Children learn quickly. If safety is always paired with concealment, they internalize a message that Jewish visibility is inherently dangerous.

That message leaves a mark.

A child raised in concealment does not become stronger. He becomes dependent on the environment, remaining calm. When that calm disappears, he has no practiced response.

Capability changes posture. Physical competence changes psychology. When a teenager knows how to use his voice, how to control distance, and how to move with purpose if someone crowds him, he carries himself differently. He is not looking for confrontation. He is prepared for it. Preparation removes helplessness from the equation.

I have written about this before in my article, “Fighting Skills Are Not Just to Hurt Bad Guys,” on the Krav Maga Experts blog. The core idea remains the same. Training is not about aggression. It is about dignity. It allows a person to remain composed instead of shrinking.

Jewish identity has always lived in the body as well as the mind. We stand to pray. We sway when we learn. We dance in circles at weddings. We fast with discipline. A Judaism that exists only intellectually becomes easier to intimidate because intimidation begins physically. The threat is directed at the body. The response must include the body.

Judgment is the highest layer. Judgment decides when to adjust and when to stand firm. Judgment prevents capability from becoming recklessness. It also prevents caution from turning into silence.

Jewish parents today are navigating a complex environment. Universities have seen protests that cross into hostility. Synagogues require visible security. Social media amplifies rhetoric at a speed that erodes nuance. None of this is imagined. It is documented and observable.

The question is how we respond inside our homes.

If the lesson becomes “stay quiet and you will be safe,” we are teaching compliance as a strategy. Compliance works only when the other side respects limits. History does not support that assumption.

If the lesson becomes “fight everyone who challenges you,” we are teaching escalation. That path is equally destructive.

Responsibility requires something harder. It requires training children to see clearly, speak firmly, and carry themselves with presence. It requires communities to invest in preparedness beyond cameras and guards. Tools matter. Trained people matter more.

Many Jewish parents are carrying a private fear that their child will freeze in a moment of hostility. That fear is understandable. Freezing is a documented human response under stress. It can be reduced through rehearsal and exposure. Training rewires that reaction. That is nota theory. It is observed in military, law enforcement, and self-defense environments.

Preparation builds confidence. Confidence reduces panic. Reduced panic improves judgment.

The future of Jewish life in America will not depend solely on policy or public opinion. It will depend on the internal posture of the next generation. Children who grow up associating Jewish identity with retreat will carry that posture forward. Children who grow up associating Jewish identity with competence and composure will carry something stronger.

Safety is not silence. Safety is structured awareness combined with capability. Silence is what fear produces when it governs identity.

As a father and as a Jewish educator through physical training, I believe our responsibility is clear. Protect our children intelligently. Prepare them thoroughly. Raise them to understand risk without internalizing shame.

We cannot control every environment they will enter. We can control how prepared they are to stand in it.

That is the difference between hiding and building a future. Do something amazing

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)