Last week we named four pulls that work against every good intention. The first was self-centeredness. Not selfishness. The quiet fact that you are the center of your own story, in the here and now, and every choice that cuts against that perspective is a harder choice than it should be.

Self-centeredness locks you into a narrow frame. The self, right now, in this moment. From inside that frame, your day is about you. Your hunger, your stress, your time, your comfort. Everything else has to fit around that. The pull is to keep it that way, because stepping out of the center costs something. Stepping out of the center means the frame has to get bigger.

Three counters, building on each other.

The first is reframing time. You are about to snap at someone over something small. The irritation is real. So is the moment. But you are in the middle of a life, and that life is heading somewhere. You are not just in this moment. Reframing time does not pull you out of the present. It changes what the present means.

The second is other worlds. You are avoiding a conversation you know you need to have. From inside the narrow frame, the discomfort of having it is what matters. But the person you are avoiding has a world of their own. Their own stress, their own uncertainty, their own need for the conversation. Self-centeredness sees only your world. There are others.

The third is purpose-centering. The first two counters expand the frame. This one gives you a different place to stand inside it. You are in an argument and about to go for the win instead of doing what is right. The question is not what you want in this moment. It is who you will be when this moment is over. Purpose-centering does not ask what you want. It asks who you are becoming.

Self-centeredness locked the frame to the self, the here and now, and the world as you alone experience it. The three counters open it. Time extends. Other worlds enter. And the person you are trying to become steps forward. Next week: the counter to the second pull.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)