Last week, I sat on the floor in my home in Beit Shemesh on Tisha B’Av and reflected on the state of the Jewish people. I thought about the darkness of recent years, the pain since October 7, the continuing war, the soldiers we have lost, the hostages and their families, the hatred directed at Jews throughout the world, and the deep divisions within Israeli society.

But I also found myself wrestling with a feeling that has been growing within me for many years: – How do we mourn everything that remains broken without ignoring the miracle of everything that has already been rebuilt? – How do we sit on the floor mourning two thousand years of exile while living in a sovereign State of Israel, where the Jewish people have returned to live as a nation in its own land, building cities, defending itself, and creating schools, hospitals, universities, yeshivot, communities, and families?

I want to be very clear. I am not speaking about the personal pain of those who have lost children, parents, spouses, siblings, friends, or fellow soldiers to war and terror. That pain is real, immeasurable, and sacred.

Over time, I have come to understand that light and darkness do not cancel one another. We can mourn what is still missing while giving thanks for what has already been restored. And perhaps the Jewish calendar itself is teaching us how. Only six days after Tisha B’Av, we arrive at Tu B’Av.

In modern Israel, Tu B’Av is often presented as the Israeli version of Valentine’s Day. Restaurants offer couples’ menus, stores advertise gifts, and the entire day is reduced to romantic love. There is certainly a connection between Tu B’Av and marriage. The Mishnah describes the daughters of Jerusalem going out in borrowed white garments while the young men of Israel sought wives. But Tu B’Av is about something much larger than romance.

A Day of Renewed Relationship Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel makes an astonishing statement: “There were no days as joyous for Israel as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur.” Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur. One is viewed as a pleasant and festive summer day. The other is the most elevated and solemn day on the Jewish calendar. Why did our Sages place them side by side?Perhaps because both are days of renewed relationship. Yom Kippur is not merely a day of guilt and punishment. It is the day on which the second Tablets were given, demonstrating that the covenant between God and the Jewish people could survive even the sin of the Golden Calf. It is the day when distance can become closeness again. Tu B’Av carries the same fundamental message.

Nearly every event our Sages associated with Tu B’Av concerns a relationship that was damaged, severed, or endangered – and then restored.

1. The Tribe of Benjamin Returned to the Family

Following the terrible episode of the Pilegesh B’Givah, the tribes of Israel went to war against the tribe of Benjamin. The conflict became so destructive that Benjamin was nearly eliminated. The other tribes had sworn not to give their daughters in marriage to the men of Benjamin, threatening the tribe’s continued existence. Eventually, the people of Israel recognized what their anger had produced. A member of the family had committed a terrible act. But in attempting to punish the tribe, the nation had nearly destroyed one of its twelve parts. On Tu B’Av, the prohibition separating Benjamin from the rest of Israel came to an end. The tribe was restored to the national family.

The lesson is not that wrongdoing does not matter. The lesson is that even after the most bitter internal conflict, the Jewish people cannot accept the permanent disappearance of one of its tribes. There must be a path back.

2. The Roads to Jerusalem Reopened

Generations later, the united kingdom divided into the kingdoms of Judah and Israel. Jeroboam ben Nebat, the first king of the northern kingdom, feared that if his citizens continued ascending to Jerusalem and the Temple, their loyalty would return to the House of David. He therefore placed guards along the roads to prevent them from going up. Political power was preserved by blocking Jews from Jerusalem. Generations later, on Tu B’Av, King Hoshea ben Elah removed the guards and reopened the roads. Hoshea is not remembered as one of our greatest kings. Yet in this act, he removed a barrier that had separated Jews from their brothers and........

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