We are living in a time of war in Israel. Alongside the external danger, there is something else we all feel—deep differences between people. Religious and secular, different political views, different ways of life. Sometimes we feel distance from others, even a sense of looking down. And sometimes, just as importantly, people feel that about themselves.

In that reality, there is a powerful teaching that helps guide us.

This week’s parshiot, Acharei Mot–Kedoshim, bring us to one of the most well-known commands in the Torah: “Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha”—love your fellow as yourself. Rabbi Akiva teaches that this is a klal gadol baTorah, a central principle of the Torah (Torat Kohanim, Kedoshim).

One place where we see what this means in practice is in the Mishnah in Bava Kama (90a–90b), which discusses how to measure compensation for embarrassment.

At first, the Mishnah brings an opinion that embarrassment depends on a person’s social standing. A more important person feels greater embarrassment, and a less significant person feels less. In other words, a person’s status affects how we measure what was done to them.

Rabbi Akiva strongly disagrees. He teaches:

“Afilu aniyim she’b’Yisrael ro’in otam ke’ilu heim bnei chorin she’yardu minichseihem, she’hem bnei Avraham Yitzchak veYaakov.”

Even the poorest in Israel are viewed as if they are free and dignified people who have lost their wealth—because they are descendants of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov (Mishnah, Bava Kama 90b). Their current situation does not define their worth.

The Mishnah then brings a striking case. A man publicly embarrassed a woman by pulling off her head covering. Rabbi Akiva ruled that he must pay a heavy fine of 400 zuz. The man tried to defend himself, bringing witnesses who showed that the woman herself sometimes did not cover her hair. His argument was simple: if she does not treat herself with dignity, why should he be held responsible?

Rabbi Akiva rejects this completely. His answer is clear: it does not matter. Even if a person does not fully guard their own dignity, no one else has the right to put them down (Mishnah, Bava Kama 90b).

From here we learn a fundamental idea: “Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha” is not only about valuing others as much as you value yourself. Sometimes it means valuing them more than they currently value themselves—and not letting their own self-image define their worth.

In a time like ours, there is another layer.

Sometimes we feel that others do not respect us. We may feel that people on the “other side” dismiss us or do not understand us. And the natural reaction is to respond in kind—to judge them as they seem to judge us.

But this teaching tells us not to do that.

Your responsibility is not to mirror how someone else sees you. Your responsibility is to choose how you see them.

This connects to another fundamental command in these parshiot: “Lo tisna et achicha bilvavecha”—do not hate your brother in your heart (Vayikra 19:17).

The Torah does not say, “do not hate someone like you.” It says: your brother. Even when he is different. Even when he disagrees. Even when you feel he does not understand you.

A brother can argue with you and see the world differently. But he is still your brother.

So the lesson is clear:

Even if you feel the other person does not respect you—you are not allowed to put them down.

Even if they do not see their own value—you must still see it in them.

And even if it feels like they do not see you as a brother—you are still responsible to see them that way.

What does it mean “because of who they are”?

It means a person’s worth is not something they earn—it is something they already have.

Rabbi Akiva defines it clearly: “she’hem bnei Avraham Yitzchak veYaakov.” A Jew carries inherent dignity simply by belonging to that chain.

Even if a person does not act that way, and even if they do not see it in themselves, it does not change who they are.

Their actions can be lacking. Their self-image can be low. But their worth is not touched.

And that is what obligates you: to relate to them based on who they are—not based on what you see.

You relate to others because of who they are.

What does that mean in practice?

It means you are not reacting to what you see in front of you.

Not to how they speak, not to how they behave, and not to how they treat you.

You are responding to something deeper.

Rabbi Akiva defines it: “she’hem bnei Avraham Yitzchak veYaakov.”

So even if a person acts in a way that does not reflect that dignity, it does not change who they are.

And that changes how you respond.

You don’t put them down because they lowered themselves. You don’t dismiss them because they dismissed you. You don’t define them by the moment you are seeing.

You relate to them based on what is always true about them—even when it is not visible.

That is why Rabbi Akiva teaches this so strongly—because “Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha” is not just a nice idea. It is a klal gadol, a principle that holds Klal Yisrael together.

So when you look at someone very different from you—religious or secular, right or left—you are not looking at “the other side.” You are looking at a person whose worth is built in, not earned.

And that is why you hold onto their dignity.

Not because of how they act. Not because of how they see you. But because of who they are.

In a divided time, especially in a time of war, this is not a small demand. It is the klal gadol that keeps Klal Yisrael together.

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)