Like Adolf Hitler, I have been involved in a Channel 4 documentary about penises. I also share a love for watercolours and a partiality for Wagner but that, I promise, is where the similarities end.

But back to penises. The Führer’s genitalia – or lack thereof – is a feature of a new documentary, Hitler’s DNA: Blueprint of a Dictator. The documentary makers have examined a scrap of the bloodied fabric from the bunker sofa upon which Hitler blew his brains out and the long – but mostly the short – of the findings are that history’s most evil man likely had underdeveloped sexual organs, including a micropenis and an undescended testicle. So now we know that the popular wartime ditty ‘Hitler Has Only Got One Ball’, was rather closer to the mark than we previously assumed.

I’d always been a tad shy. If I could spend two weeks chatting to strangers about their penises, I might be cured

This news reminded me of my own brush with todger television. Back in 2019, I was kicking my heels during the long university summer holiday. Flicking through various Facebook groups, I stumbled across an internship for a documentary about ‘masculinity in the 21st century’. I’m a bloke, I thought, I have two weeks free and a CV that needs some padding. How hard could it be? I applied, survived a brief interview, and was told to report to a Tottenham Court Road office the following Monday.

Splendid: I had assuaged parental concerns that I was going to........

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