The first crusade against school dinners saw Jamie Oliver defeat Bernard Matthews and rid the canteen of Turkey Twizzlers. The latest diktat from Whitehall means that from September next year a whole range of English school dinner staples will be banned or severely limited. Deep-fried carbs will be gone, so no proper fish and chip Fridays. Cakes and sweetened desserts will be restricted to twice a week, so fewer crumbles, jam roly-polys and Angel Delights. Will sponge with jam and coconut even survive the witch-hunt? There’ll be fewer sausages and less ham but more lentils and chickpeas. And no iced buns at breakfast.

What has led to the pastry purge? Well, the government is panicking over a supposed increase in the number of fat kids. The National Child Measurement Programme (NCMP) weighs all of the half-million ten-year-olds in English state schools. It already thinks that 22 per cent of these children are obese with a further 14 per cent being overweight, up almost five percentage........

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