I write speeches and help people deliver them. I love the work; it is its own reward. And post-speech client feedback gives me the smug hot-water bottle in the gut feeling you get from a well-cut hedge, a maiden over, or watching your grandchild take his or her first steps.  

The treatment of Henry Nowak’s killer was all about race

Nigel Farage: Enough of anti-white prejudice

Vickrum Digwa is no Sikh

What happens is this: someone gets in touch because they’re due to give a speech at a wedding, charity event, school speech day, that sort of thing. I call them ‘Important Personal Speeches’. Their first question is, ‘Can we keep this between us?’ Discretion is key to my work, which is why I am writing about it here.  

The client proceeds to tell me they were awarded a first in creative writing from the University of East Anglia and are very experienced at public speaking but for this one important occasion and because they’re so busy with other important things, could I give them a little help? A few pointers, ideas, jokes? The secret to writing jokes in speeches – which I’ll share since this is between us – is that you don’t write them.........

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