Reform has topped every national poll for a good long while – benefitting, as the Greens also have and the Lib Dems haven’t (because there are limits), from a combination of public fatigue and disgust with the two old main parties. But there are other new kids on the right-wing block, both fronted by ex-associates of Nigel Farage and former Reformers. We now have Ben Habib’s Advance and Rupert Lowe’s Restore.

First things first. These both sound like team names from The Apprentice. And this is fitting, because the kind of spatting, squabbling and blame-throwing that we see in Lord Sugar’s boardroom is now being acted out on the political stage.

If everybody who finds Nigel Farage irritating starts up a party, we will end up with ballot papers a mile long

If everybody who finds Nigel Farage irritating starts up a party, we will end up with ballot papers a mile long

If everybody who finds Nigel Farage irritating starts up a party, the ballot papers will be a mile long. Why stop with just two? We could all have our own right-wing party. I think I’ll call mine Revive Albion. I’ve already got my launch video planned: a drone camera swoops down, alighting on my wax-jacketed form as ‘In a Monastery Garden’ plays. I look out at a foggy fen or misty peak, jingle some heavy pre-decimal coinage, then throw the dog a stick.

Its all so tawdry, the........

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