As the FBI investigates two potential terror attacks on US soil, the bureau’s director Kash Patel has been racking his brain for better ways to protect the American people. Apart from firing counterterrorism agents, his plans include partnering with UFC fighters to train the world’s premier law enforcement agency.

The elite fighters will head to Quantico as part of an “overall initiative by the FBI to provide its agents with exciting, innovative training options,” according to a UFC press release. Patel is calling the training session a “historic seminar,” though Cockburn suspects, based on Patel’s Winter Olympic foray into elite sports with the US men’s hockey team, the vibe might be closer to “Monster Energy-infused frat rager.”

The seminar comes shortly ahead of the UFC cage fight that will take place at the White House on June 14, President Trump’s 80th birthday. If you needed further signs that we’ve entered the Golden Age of America, where jocks with CTE and beauty queens reign supreme, celebrity boxer and influencer Jake Paul appears primed to enter the ring of politics. Trump gave Paul his “complete and total endorsement” at a Kentucky rally on Thursday, should Paul ever wish to run for office. Who ever thought Trump would be making nice with a Paul in........

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