Want to Change? Maybe Stop Trying So Hard.

By Benoit Denizet-Lewis

Mr. Denizet-Lewis is the author of “You’ve Changed: The Promise and Price of Self-Transformation.”

We imagine ourselves conductors of our transformation symphony. With the right mix of effort and instruments — shadow work, dopamine fasts, guided meditations, psychedelic retreats, A.I. “twins” — we can become the people our future selves deserve.

Minus the A.I. twin, I’ve tried all that and more. I attended 12-step programs, checked myself into inpatient addiction treatment in a Philadelphia suburb and a Texas hinterland and became unwittingly conversant in many forms of therapy.

Hoping to break unhealthy patterns and stop armoring up........

© The New York Times