Quick look at the Clacton byelection field as it stands: Nigel Farage, Count Binface, Piers Corbyn, Laurence Fox, some bloke who’s been on Married at First Sight and Dating Naked ... anyway, there’s more, but you get the picture. It’s going to be a long hot summer. By the end of this contest Clacton will be begging to be left behind again.

To recap, Reform leader Farage this week delivered an address to the nation on his political future, which can effectively be summarised as “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the messiest bitch of all?” Under fire over his recently exposed penchant for taking mental amounts of money and benefits from Thailand-based cryptophiliacs/convicted fraudsters and their mums, Nigel has decided to seek validation by asking the voters of Clacton to rule on him. So yes, Farage has triggered a byelection – but he’s also triggered anyone who’s ever been in a toxic relationship where their partner forces them into public declarations of loyalty. It’s all very “I always choose you over everyone, Nigel, and I hate that my family are trying to destroy us”.

Needless to say, this gambit has functioned as a wider twatsignal, summoning to the Clacton ballot paper the likes of left-behind nepo actor Laurence Fox and serial wingnut Piers Corbyn. The latter’s own campaign website includes a photo that genuinely looks like it was taken by the booking-in staff at the Beast Wing of HMP Full Sutton. Seriously, you do not want to find out what Piers’ll do to you if you........

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