Emilio* and Jessica* sat in front of me, disconnected and barely looking at each other. They had been together for seven years and had recently opened up their relationship and tried polyamory, upon Emilio’s suggestion. Jessica agreed to this, but it was not her first choice for how she wanted the relationship to be. They were now in a crisis, as betrayals and secrets had occurred before and during the attempts at this new relationship configuration.

In my practice as a psychologist, a helpful question I often ask my clients is: “Is the configuration of this relationship working for you?”

Much of the time when people come to see me either alone or as a couple, issues within their relationship are impacting their mental health and wellbeing.

Unsurprisingly, with the increased awareness of different relationship structures outside of monogamy, some couples are now thinking about opening up their relationships. It isn’t about swinging or an affair. It’s about the possibility of maintaining multiple, concurrent relationships – a practice known as polyamory.

As our understanding of relationship structures evolves, I find myself talking people through what other options might be available to them. Polyamory is not “ethical swinging”. It is a distinct philosophy of relating, promising deep fulfilment for some, while presenting unique psychological pitfalls for others.

With Emilio and Jessica, I discussed a crucial distinction. Polyamory is consensually having........

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