Right, that’s it: we’ve got to do something about Canada. The country’s wildfires, which resulted in air quality alerts across more than 20 US states, ruined my weekend. On Friday the air in Philadelphia, where I live, was so unhealthy I couldn’t go outside without my eyes stinging. My kid’s preschool cancelled outdoor time, while the city suspended trash pickup and closed public pools.

You know who did not suspend their regularly scheduled programming because of a bit of toxic smoke? The plot monitoring committee at my allotment. Despite the apocalyptic conditions, they were still busy ensuring the........

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