How many times a day do we see messages about protecting our peace, setting boundaries and cutting toxic people out of our lives?

These messages are everywhere on social media and have become part of a broader “cut-off culture” that encourages people to walk away from relationships that feel emotionally exhausting or harmful.

Setting boundaries and recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns can be important forms of self-protection. But when applied to friendships, this approach can flatten a complicated relationship to two choices: tolerate the situation or end the friendship.

Before deciding what to do with a “toxic friend,” it is worth asking a more basic question: what is a friendship, and what do we expect from it?

No one’s 20s and 30s look the same. You might be saving for a mortgage or just struggling to pay rent. You could be swiping dating apps, or trying to understand childcare. No matter your current challenges, our Quarter Life series has articles to share in the group chat, or just to remind you that you’re not alone.

Read more from Quarter Life:

If you think someone has an eating disorder, should you say something? A dietitian explains how to express concern without body shaming

If you think someone has an eating disorder, should you say something? A dietitian explains how to express concern without body shaming

You have more ways to connect than ever, but deep friendship feels hard to find – here’s how to build better connections

You have more ways to connect than ever, but deep friendship feels hard to find – here’s how to build better connections

The cost of living is soaring – why not try moving in together?

The cost of living is soaring – why not try moving in together?

Why friendship matters

High-quality friendships contribute significantly to our health, happiness and overall well-being.

We learn about ourselves through our relationships with others. Because friendships are chosen, they give us opportunities to seek out people who challenge us, introduce us to new........

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