I bought my seven-year-old daughter a squishy toy. Now, she’s fluent in therapy-speak

August 27, 2026 — 7:30pm

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Nothing says “modern parenting” like watching your seven-year-old’s heart break over an exploded squishy full of radioactive goo. I finally caved and bought my daughter a “dumpling squishy” from the $2 shop. You know, the viral fidget toys keeping Border Force busy. (Note: they’re not $2. Small ones are $8. Large ones are obscenely pushing $45 and are kept behind the counter like ciggies.)

Her joy was boundless: it was like Taylor Swift had dropped by on Christmas morning with a bunny. After an hour of my daughter’s ecstatic kneading, the thing burst while we were in the car. Her face crumpled into unbearable anguish as I briefly debated calling the fire brigade to handle the toxic spill while yelling at her not to touch anything.

I drove to the nearest $2 shop to buy another one because I........

© The Age