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Estrangement leaves a grief that has no clear ending.

Ambiguous loss can freeze the grief process and deepen the sense of shame parents may feel.

When adult children just walk away with no explanation, the silence and uncertainty can be paralyzing.

Many parents are honestly baffled by an estrangement and do not know how to mend the rift.

A brief note to readers: This piece centers on the experiences of parents who are estranged from their adult children. If you have estranged yourself from your parents or other family members, you’re not being asked to question your own experiences, boundaries, or decisions. Acknowledging one perspective does not invalidate another.

Family estrangement is often discussed as a necessary act of self-protection by adult children who choose to cut ties with their families. And, in many cases, it is. What is less often examined is how estrangement is experienced by the adult child’s parents. Not only do they lose contact with an adult child, but they are left navigating a grief that lacks social recognition, language, or clear resolution.

Over the years, as a scholar–practitioner studying family estrangement, I’ve been struck not by a lack of reflection among estranged parents, but by the pervasive sense of disorientation they feel. Many describe the experience as a loss that is unlike any other they’ve suffered. Their child is still alive, yet absent. There is no clear ending point to the estrangement, no shared story, and generally no........

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