What Is Low Sexual Desire?

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Sexual desire naturally fluctuates over the course of long-term relationships.

We tend to glorify the sexual spark because it is dramatic and easy to recognize.

Sexual attraction is only one pathway to arousal. There are many others.

Relationships are transformed based on biology and psychology.

I'm about to make a statement that may cause some of you to stop reading and shake your head.

Here it is: You don't need to be sexually attracted to your partner to have great sex.

As a psychotherapist, I've shared that idea with countless clients over the years. Almost every time, the reaction is the same. A puzzled look or nervous laughter.

I ask my clients to stay with me because I'm not suggesting that attraction doesn't matter. I'm suggesting something far more interesting.

Sexual attraction is only one pathway to arousal.

It is not the only one.

Meaningful touch is a gateway to arousal.

Authentic words spoken at the right time is a gateway to arousal.

Quiet, uninterrupted time can be a gateway to arousal.

Being admired by the person you love can be a gateway to arousal.

Understanding that we can access many gateways to arousal has transformed a number of marriages that were once headed toward Splitsville.

I call on the life advice my grandparents gifted me with frequently in my work these days. I learned the perfect metaphor for relationship transitions years ago in my Grandma Maybelle's kitchen.

When I was a kid, I would stand in her kitchen eating fresh strawberries by the handful. They were sweet and juicy. But then something interesting happened. Months later, when summer was long gone, those very same strawberries appeared on my morning toast as homemade preserves.

They weren't the same. Yet somehow they were just as satisfying, perhaps even better. The fresh berries had been transformed into something richer, deeper, and meant to be savored rather than........

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