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Testing the people we love often reflects emotional sensitivity rather than a desire to manipulate.

Testing can backfire by creating the very distance or conflict it was designed to detect.

Small, direct expressions of need tend to build more trust over time than indirect tests do.

One of my clients, Jess, came into a session frustrated with her partner. She had been feeling overwhelmed with work and he hadn't offered to help around the house. She hadn't asked, but she reasoned that he should have known because her stress was so obvious. By the end of the week, she felt her anger growing and told her partner she needed space.

This is a test. Although Jess wasn't aware that she was testing her partner, she was trying to find out whether she could count on him.

Why People Test Those Closest to Them

Testing behaviors in relationships are easy to miss because the person giving them often doesn't recognize that's what they're doing. Tests can look like dropping a hint to see if the other person picks up on it, going........

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