Take our Depression Test

Find a therapist to heal from grief

Everyone may face loss, and experiencing several at once can be especially difficult.

Losses can spiral, with one loss possibly making the next worse.

Despite losses, recovery is possible, and people can rebuild stronger and more resilient than before.

Most of us will face a loss at some point in our lives. The death of someone we love. A financial setback. A relationship ending. A health crisis. Each of these events is painful on its own. However, the challenge grows significantly when several of them hit at the same time.

There’s a special kind of pain when losses pile up all at once. Grief builds on grief, and the things you’d normally lean on to cope are already gone. The result isn’t just sadness—it shakes how you see yourself, your life, and your place in the world.

To learn more about how multiple losses impact us and how to recover, I spoke with Melanie Warner, a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and leadership expert who has helped millions stay true to their purpose despite life’s obstacles.

Understanding the Impact of Multiple Losses

When several big losses hit at the same time—what psychologists call cumulative adversity—the things you normally rely on for stability disappear all at once. Research shows that experiencing several major stressors in a short period significantly increases the risk of depression, anxiety, prolonged grief, and post-traumatic stress.

The Conservation of Resources (COR) theory helps explain why. We each have things we value—health, relationships, money, safety, stability—and stress rises when these are threatened or lost. Losing several resources at once can trigger a loss spiral, where each loss makes it harder to cope with the next, amplifying stress and vulnerability.

Melanie experienced this herself. She mentioned, “At one point, I had lost my health, my child, my marriage, and my financial stability. It wasn’t one thing after another—it was everything at once.” Her story shows how cumulative losses can strip away the supports we rely on, making recovery far more difficult.

Losing the Person You Were

When multiple losses hit at once, grief isn’t the only toll. Something deeper happens to identity—how you see yourself and what you believe you’re capable of. We build our sense of self from roles (e.g., parent, partner, professional), abilities (e.g., earner, helper, leader), relationships, and daily routines. When several of these are taken away in a short period, people often feel not just sad but lost.

This identity disruption happens when the story you’ve lived no longer matches your reality, and you haven’t yet formed a new story to replace it. For instance, a 2024 study found that major stressful events were linked with changes in people’s sense of identity—sometimes positive, but often disruptive when routines and roles shifted. People who reported disruptions in how they saw themselves also described lasting shifts in how they viewed their lives and roles.

According to Melanie, “The hardest part wasn’t the loss—it was losing the version of myself I had known.” Her words capture a truth many don’t talk about. Sometimes the deepest challenge isn’t what you lost—it’s who you thought you were before it happened.

Rebuilding Through Choices

There’s a myth that some people are just “naturally resilient,” and others aren’t. However, resilience isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a process shaped by what people do, not who they are.

Take our Depression Test

Find a therapist to heal from grief

For example, a recent study of adults facing life adversity found that people who recovered best weren’t born tougher—they used specific habits: flexible thinking, seeking support, and making intentional choices despite stress. These habits led to better emotional and practical outcomes, showing that resilience can be built even in the middle of hardship.

Action Steps for Rebuilding

Rebuilding after multiple losses is challenging but possible. It takes intentional choices, small steps, and a flexible mindset. Here are some practical ways to start.

Separate your identity from your circumstances: When everything around you falls apart, it can feel like you’ve fallen apart, too. Your circumstances have changed, but you are still here. Melanie recommends "take a moment to write down three things that are true about who you are—things that have nothing to do with your job, money, relationships, or health—and revisit that list each day." This helps you stay grounded in who you are, no matter what’s happening around you.

Separate your identity from your circumstances: When everything around you falls apart, it can feel like you’ve fallen apart, too. Your circumstances have changed, but you are still here. Melanie recommends "take a moment to write down three things that are true about who you are—things that have nothing to do with your job, money, relationships, or health—and revisit that list each day." This helps you stay grounded in who you are, no matter what’s happening around you.

Restore agency through micro-decisions: Don’t try to rebuild everything at once. Pick one small, concrete action you can take today and follow through on it—clean one room, send one email, or make one phone call. The goal isn’t progress; it’s reconnecting your choices with outcomes. Agency—and confidence—builds one decision at a time.

Resist the urge to reconstruct your old life: After compound loss, the instinct is to rush back to "normal." But the old normal was built on structures that no longer exist. Instead of trying to reassemble the past, ask: What do I actually want to build now? Rebuilding is an opportunity to create something new, and flexible thinking helps you adapt as your circumstances change.

Allow grief and rebuilding to coexist: You don’t have to finish grieving before you start rebuilding—they can happen at the same time. Some days grief will feel stronger; other days, rebuilding will take the lead. Everyone’s journey is different, so give yourself permission to hold both without seeing one as a failure of the other.

Recovering from major losses isn’t about being naturally strong. It’s about taking intentional steps to rebuild from the inside out. Starting with who you are, then your sense of control, and then your life’s routines and relationships. Most people can bounce back from even the toughest setbacks if they focus on small, meaningful choices each day. The strongest people aren’t those who never broke—they’re the ones who kept going and kept building. You can’t control everything that happens, but you can choose what to make of it.

© 2026 Ryan C. Warner, Ph.D.

Farkash, H. E., Lahad, M., Hobfoll, S. E., Leykin, D., & Aharonson-Daniel, L. (2022). Conservation of resources, psychological distress, and resilience during the COVID-19 pandemic. International Journal of Public Health, 67, 1604567.

Mitchell, L. L., Burns, M. K., Impellizzeri, D. K., Falso, V. R., Famularo, M., & Finlay, J. M. (2024). Identity development and disruption in older adults during COVID-19: A longitudinal, mixed-methods study. The Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 79(5), gbae017.

Rheingold, A. A., Williams, J. L., & Bottomley, J. S. (2024). Prevalence and co-occurrence of psychiatric conditions among bereaved adults. JAMA Network Open, 7(6), e2415325.

There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.

By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

© Psychology Today