What Is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

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Our beliefs, assumptions, and expectation drive our emotions.

Common beliefs are: I should, you should, it's supposed to be, I don't deserve this.

The beliefs become a lens for viewing life. By changing the beliefs you change the expectations and emotions.

We can think of it as a chicken-and-egg thing: You have feelings—anger, anxiety, jealousy, resentment, whatever—which then stir up all kinds of thoughts. Or, no, you start thinking about what someone did, and that stirs up anger, anxiety, etc. There are both camps; many people I meet in my office tend to see emotions as the driver—I do what I do based on how I feel.

I’m in the thought camp, but it’s not just everyday thoughts. It’s something more solid, more core—faulty beliefs, assumptions, and expectations. These are what precede and then fuel the subsequent emotion. Here are 4 of the most common belief drivers:

1. I should/shouldn’t do______.

Beliefs in the form of shoulds are about rules, usually inherited from others—parents or authority figures. If you break the rule, and don’t do the "should," you likely feel guilty and/or ashamed.

2. They should/shouldn’t do_________.

It’s easy to transplant your shoulds onto others, expecting them to do what you think you should do. My boyfriend should listen and not be........

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