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To get the most out of therapy, it's important to be both open and proactive.

All too often, clients worry about being judged or are unsure what is and is not important to talk about.

The key is to be clear about your expectations and goals, do research, and be assertive in sessions.

At a social event a few years ago, I met a fellow who, as we got to know each other, mentioned that he had been in therapy for a couple of years. He felt his wife had been emotionally pulling back, that they were living parallel lives, and that he was using therapy to help him navigate and hopefully improve the relationship. He then admitted he had had an affair, which his wife had discovered, and acknowledged that this betrayal was undoubtedly fueling his wife’s behavior. Though he was openly telling me, a relative stranger, all this, he said he had never mentioned the affair to his therapist.

I’ve met others who have also been in therapy for years with the same therapist and come to see me professionally because they feel the therapy has stalled over the past year or so. While they enjoy their weekly sessions and look forward to seeing their therapist, they feel they aren’t learning anything new or actively working on their problems. They’re treading water, and both are on autopilot.

What these situations have in common is that they’re not getting the most out of their therapy. Here are the common dynamics driving each situation:

We could imagine a few reasons someone might not be self-disclosing with their therapist:

Shame and judgment. You may........

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