The Fundamentals of Sex

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Remember that sexual abuse is never the victim’s/survivor’s fault. Reminding them of that is crucial.

Shame and self-blame from incest are insidious for survivors. Left uncontested, they compound the trauma.

Parents are obligated to see and deal with sexual abuse in their families. They can do it. They are doing it.

Normalize talking about incest/intrafamilial sexual abuse. Break the cycle by teaching consent and agency.

Do you want to support sexual abuse survivors? Then work to prevent more kids from being sexually abused, especially in their families by their family members. Bring the reality of sexual abuse and incest into the light.

Follow the examples of parents who are addressing sexual abuse in their families

Over the last two years, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with parents who are dealing with sibling sexual abuse and trauma in their families. Recently, I was on a panel of sibling sexual abuse survivors and parents of survivors and abusers. Hearing the stories of parents of survivors is one of the most transformative experiences I’ve had in over 50 years since I was sexually assaulted by my brother.

I still have to let this sink in: there are parents who learn about and address the abuse when it is happening. They stop it. They deal with it as a family. Other parents learn about the abuse through disclosure by survivors after it has stopped, and they confront the harm.

This was not my experience with my parents. So it takes me a minute.

Generational trauma continues harming, so address it in your family

I have known for a long time that both of my parents suffered trauma early in their lives that they never addressed. That meant they hadn’t learned how to confront, deal........

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