Why Relationships Matter

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Listening remains a top therapeutic concern.

Listening is a skill that demands ongoing work.

Listening can become pleasurable and enjoyable for the listener themselves.

Why do people go to therapy? Purportedly, it’s to resolve problems and manage psychological symptoms. We stay in therapy, however, often because of the conversation, and in particular the quality of the listening we receive. Rarely in other parts of our lives do we have someone’s full attention for 60 minutes. No one is checking their phone or jumping in with thoughts and comments from their own life. It is enormously powerful and gives the listener a great deal of pleasure.

One source of this pleasure comes from the feeling of being interesting to another person. Does what we say make sense to others? Does it stand out? Is our life interesting or meaningful? Does it seem to others that we are living a life worth living? All of us share these questions, and many of us worry that we do not offer anything of interest to others. This is why we may focus on other attributes like beauty or behaviour. We may feel good for being attractive or appreciated for our service. But there is something especially pleasurable and satisfying about someone taking authentic and spontaneous interest in what we say or think. It speaks perhaps to a sense of unique individuality, of our distinct personhood apart from genetic destiny or sheer work ethic.

But listening is not one way and does........

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