These days, everyone’s got a grudge, a story of who wronged them and who they’re never going to forgive. Market research suggests that three-quarters of the population is carrying a grudge right now, and most people are carrying seven, which means that a lot of our mental and emotional real estate is occupied by anger and resentment. Grudges require a lot of attention to maintain: We have to continually tell ourselves and anyone who will listen the story of what happened to us, again and again.

Our grudges flood us with the stress hormone cortisol and lower oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, which over time depletes our nervous system, increases anxiety, disrupts sleep, and raises blood pressure. In the public space, we’re in a constant state of outrage, shouting about our personal grievances. From politicians and celebrities to friends and family, to people we work with, we’re outraged by everyone. How dare they do that—to me, is the anthem of our time.

One of the primary reasons grudges are so prevalent these days is because our attention is unilaterally focused on one thing: me. We judge and react to every comment, opinion, situation, and action we encounter by how it makes us feel and what we think it says about us—how does it reflect me? Any opinion or experience that differs from ours is wrong and a personal assault, a slight against us. We are the starring character, not just in our own life but in everyone else’s life as well, the sun around which all the other planets revolve. Everything that happens in the world is either for or against us, put there to serve or degrade our ego. Whatever it is, it’s about me.

This constant focus on ourselves is, in part, a survival instinct, built into our DNA to protect us from being annihilated. In modern times,........

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