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“The husband I treasured had disappeared. Why was I happy?” That was the subtitle of a recent article in the New York Times by writer Annie Korzen, describing her feelings after her husband's death. Like me and my longtime romantic partner Brian, who died this year, she and her husband were in their 80s. They had an even longer relationship than ours—60 years!—as compared with our mere 30 years together. Also like me, she coped with an intense period of caregiving before the death.

One might expect there would be some relief mingled with Korzen’s sorrow. But happiness? Yes. She writes, “I have rediscovered the simple joys of everyday life and, to my great astonishment, I have frequent flashes of something I thought I would never feel again: I believe it’s called happiness. Please don’t judge me.”

Too many people would judge Korzen’s experience. We have an image of what grief is supposed to look like—tears, sackcloth and ashes, depression, widow’s weeds. Korzen is brave for contravening the accepted stereotypes of mourning and being honest about her experience. In the “Comments” section about her article, the avalanche of positive remarks about Korzen’s essay attests to the fact that her experience might be more common than we know.

My Experience of Grief: Happiness, Sadness…and More

Like Korzen, I have experienced many moments of happiness since my partner's death. Now that I am newly single, I have the freedom to spend my time as I please. If I want to watch junk TV, I watch junk TV. If I want to read, I read. If I want to “import” prepared food from my favorite supermarket instead of cooking from scratch, I do it.

But my happiness is mingled with a host of other emotions, ones that often descend on me unexpectedly. These emotions include grief, nostalgia, anger,........

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