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For most stepparents, positive bonds are built with stepchildren by being together and talking.

Sometimes, stepchildren resist a stepparent’s well-intentioned efforts to get to know them and become closer.

Perceiving that a stepparent enhanced family life and relationships can change stepchildren's feelings.

Stepparents can bond with distant stepchildren by building positive relationships with other family members.

We have been exploring how stepfamily members create satisfying relationships (see "First Steps for Stepparents," "Having Fun With Stepchildren," and other posts). Here, I continue this series, but instead of reviewing what stepparents can do directly with stepchildren to generate closer connections, I want to now explore an indirect approach to bonding with stepchildren: being a valuable addition to the family.

This advice is incredibly vague. What does “being a valuable addition to the family” mean? In this case, it means that a stepchild notices that the stepparent has made family life better. This is still unclear, so let’s drill down to see what the research says.

Most research findings about “what works” for stepparents trying to build good relationships with stepchildren focus on uncovering direct actions that stepparents do with stepchildren, either during one-on-one activities (e.g., playing games) or with other people around (e.g., going out to dinner as a family). For most stepparents and stepchildren, positive bonds are built this way; as with any new friendship, individuals seek common ground, enjoy doing things together, and talk/share a lot about their likes, interests, wants, needs, feelings, and thoughts, growing closer as the relationship develops. Direct approaches to bonding do not always work, however.

Sometimes, stepchildren resist a........

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