Take our Self-Esteem Test

Find a therapist near me

Overly relying on external validation could cause you to feel you need to keep chasing achievements.

It's important for you to be able to internally validate yourself.

You don't always need to be achieving things to be worthwhile.

Reinforcement shapes our behavior. The society you live in and the people around you impact what you perceive as good behavior (e.g. graduating from school, getting a job, etc.). You are more likely to repeat a behavior when you receive praise and appreciation (e.g. a sticker, a smile, a "thank you,"). These are forms of external validation.

The Risk of Relying on External Validation

External validation isn't inherently a bad thing. Nevertheless, it can get you into trouble if you find yourself relying on the validation of the people and world around you as the only way you can identify your success and worth. This can put you at risk of creating a cycle of doing things for the external reinforcement you may achieve, rather than the internal validation you generate (such as feelings of growth and satisfaction from your effort).

Notice if external achievements (e.g. getting praise from others, receiving recognition) has become the primary way you gauge if you are "good enough."

This theme comes up often in my work with professional women and high achievers in general. And the truth is that a drive to gain external reinforcement can get you pretty far in life. Maybe it helped you do well in school (including graduate school). It might have........

© Psychology Today