Take our Ambition Test

Find a therapist near me

A clear parent job description helps parents lead with purpose rather than react to a child’s distress.

Parenting goals can focus on character and maturity rather than happiness and success.

Children need loving support—and enough space to develop responsibility and independence.

Mature parenting focuses on managing ourselves rather than trying to manage our children.

This article draws on excerpts from my recent book, The Parenting Paradox (Bloomsbury, 2026).

Can you imagine starting a new job with an organization and discovering that you have no job description? You’re given a title—one of great importance—but no clear goals, no outlined responsibilities, no measurable tasks. No orientation or training, either. This is essentially what parents face when they commence their first day in their new and vital role—holding a tiny, helpless infant in their arms.

It’s striking to me that almost all parenting courses for expectant parents focus solely on baby care, rather than the broader role of guiding parents through their child’s growing years. Courses for expectant parents—often called antenatal classes or prenatal education—prioritize preparing parents for childbirth, early parenting, and the fundamentals involved in the physical care of a baby in the first few months.

I recall that my husband and I attended such a course at the hospital where our first child was to be born. We even had a plastic baby to practice diaper changing, swaddling, and other similar practical tasks. We hung on every word of the midwife and prepared ourselves diligently for the arrival of baby number one. So much focus on birth prep and so little on what the heck to do with the dramatic changes to our sleep cycles, routines, and relationships. It’s hard enough to navigate all the unpredictable challenges of the first few months. Where does a parent start figuring out their job description for the next eighteen years?

Parenting without a clear job description means the ups and downs of each child shape the parent, as well as each parent’s sensitivity to past relationship experiences and their parenting partner. Parenting led by emotional responses to each child can leave a parent floundering. Without a clear direction, parents risk leaving children without mature leadership. To begin clarifying our job description, a good place to start is with........

© Psychology Today