The Challenges of Divorce

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Overthinking builds a case for contempt, not a conversation.

The need for certainty due to overthinking replaces curiosity and partner directed open-mindedness.

Awareness of your thought loops and challenging them can save intimate relationships from drifting apart.

When people think about divorce, they picture big events like affairs, constant fighting, or growing apart. But what I see in my office is something much quieter—and far more dangerous. It is a thought pattern that takes hold long before couples realize anything truly threatening is wrong.

Small Fault Lines Led to Kevin and Laura's Big Split-Up

Kevin and Ebony (names changed) were not an explosive couple. There was no yelling and no dramatic blow-ups. But Ebony started noticing small things. Kevin was now increasingly scrolling on his phone when Ebony was speaking to him. He seemed internally preoccupied, and he forgot some of their plans.

Most distressing was that Ebony felt Kevin was missing cues when she was feeling overwhelmed. As she told her friend, Frieda, "It's like the dude is just straight up........

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