Why Relationships Matter

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Different relationships can activate different patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior within us.

A familiar person may unintentionally pull us back into a role we have already outgrown.

Close partners can support or inhibit our movement toward the person we hope to become.

Noticing who we become around someone provides valuable information about the relationship.

We like the idea that our self is stable and consistent, something that feels reliable. In reality, different parts of us emerge depending on who we are with.

One of my therapy clients described this fluctuation: "There are people around whom I become funnier. Others make me quieter. Around some people, I find myself apologizing before I have done anything wrong. Around others, I speak with a confidence I didn’t know I have."

For years he believed that his personality belonged entirely to him. Through our work together, he began noticing that........

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