Taking responsibility for our lives involves examining what we want and deciding whether it is worth pursuing.

Reflection helps us assess our reasons, consider alternatives, and develop greater confidence in our judgment.

We can learn from other people's experiences while taking responsibility for the choices that shape our lives.

In a recent talk, I went around the room asking participants two questions:

“Whose life are you living?” “Who should determine how it’s lived?”

“Whose life are you living?”

“Who should determine how it’s lived?”

Participants answered the first question easily. Each recognized that they were living their own life. With the second question, there was more hesitation. Everyone eventually acknowledged responsibility for how they lived, but a few needed a moment to get there. Their comments suggested that some of this hesitation came from their willingness to work through the question honestly instead of simply giving the response they thought I wanted. From how the rest of the group listened to them, it looked like they were saying aloud what others seemed to be thinking.

Hesitation in taking responsibility for their own lives came largely from having learned how to succeed without questioning what success means to them personally. They assumed that the life advice they were given was necessarily right for them. They didn't appreciate that advice often reflects what someone else would do in your position and not what you may want to do in your position.

When I asked how it felt to say that they were responsible for their own lives, some........

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