What Is Parental Alienation?

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Parental alienation often starts with a co-parent who is emotionally immature.

Because of its insidious nature, knowing how parental alienation hooks a child is critical.

Trying to expose a co-parent's manipulation may deepen parental alienation if the child sees it as an attack.

You never thought it could happen to you. Divorce is difficult, but losing the bond with your children is excruciating. You may be the emotionally available parent who has done the bulk of the "real" parenting since your children were born, and your bond has always been strong. Yet, your kids are suddenly cold and rude to you. They avoid being around you and refuse to tell you anything about their life. When you ask if your co-parent is behind their treatment, they become irate and refuse to even speak to you. It is soul-crushing.

Although there can be many reasons for a child's withdrawal from a parent during a divorce, there is a certain type of co-parent who intentionally undermines the opposite parent's relationship with the children. Often, it starts with a co-parent who is emotionally immature and cannot lose face. They strive, always, to protect their ego. Their image means everything to them, so after a divorce, they must come out on top. In addition, this parent, who may lack emotional availability, is often exceedingly jealous of the parent who is emotionally available and who has an authentically close bond with the kids—so they seek to sabotage it. Parental alienation is insidious. So, understanding how it works is critical when attempting to salvage your relationship with your kids.

How Alienation Happens

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