Take our Your Mental Health Today Test

Find infertility counseling and support

Infertility can gradually change the way you see yourself and your future.

Psychologists have described infertility as a narcissistic injury: a blow to self-esteem and identity.

Shame and self-blame can turn a reproductive struggle into the conclusion that something is wrong with you.

Research on infertility-related complex PTSD (cPTSD) points to a persistent negative self-concept.

At the start, you probably approached infertility the way you would approach any other medical problem. You booked the tests, picked up a new vocabulary of follicle counts and protocols, and waited for someone to tell you what was wrong and how to fix it.

If you went through several cycles, you may know how the questions start to change. Instead of asking why a treatment failed, you begin wondering what is wrong with you. A negative beta test lands as a judgment about who you are. Your body can start to feel unreliable or even like it is working against you.

“I thought if I just did everything right, it would work.” That was how one client described her first year of fertility treatment (details have been changed). By her fourth failed transfer, she no longer said, “The treatment didn’t work.” She said, “I couldn’t do it.” What had changed was where she located the failure. Instead of seeing the treatment as unsuccessful, she had started to see herself that way.

Infertility puts the hope of a child at risk. It also chips away at assumptions you may never have had to think about: that your body would cooperate, and that parenthood would come more or less when you felt ready.

Infertility as a Narcissistic Injury

Psychologists use the idea of narcissistic injury........

© Psychology Today