Why Relationships Matter

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Stable relationships require that participants be consistently kind and truthful.

Treating others kindly in some circumstances and unkindly in others destabilizes the relationship.

Showing kindness during conflict requires that we give up our need to be validated by others.

Getting along with others in almost all situations requires two basic patterns of behavior: Always be kind and always tell the truth. If you do this consistently, you will get along well in almost any relationship. For some people, this is natural to them, and they do it without thought or effort. Individuals who struggle to get along with others often do so because they do not behave this way consistently. Understanding the obstacles to these behavior patterns and becoming consistent in these behavior patterns can be socially transformative.

Almost everyone knows how to be kind to others when conditions are favorable. The benefits of being nice to others can only be reaped when the behavior is consistent. Some struggle to be kind to others when conflicts arise, when they are frustrated, or when they do not feel well. Learning how to be kind to others under these circumstances is essential to quality relationships.

Transactional Relationships

Treating others kindly in some circumstances and unkindly in others, depending on the circumstances, is transactional. It destabilizes the relationship due to the high level of variability introduced by circumstance. When others are not sure whether or not you will be kind on any given day, it increases........

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