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Kids may reject praise when it's processed as evaluation of their performance. It makes them self-conscious.

Some kids process praise is a method for control, to get them to cooperate. This can engage their defiance.

One fix is to shift from praise to process, and to stop calling attention to a child's compliance.

The message most parents get about praise is that it’s critical for building kids’ self-esteem and for showing them that their accomplishments are seen and valued.

We’re also led to believe that when we tell our kids how proud we are when they finally poop on the potty, or agree to try a new food or activity, or perform at a sporting event or recital, that praise will reinforce that behavior. That it’s Pavlovian: heap on the praise and your child will do more of whatever you are applauding.

But what happens when praise has the opposite effect? When your child rejects it: they demand you stop talking when you are praising them to other people, or they tell you not to say “Good job” or clap when they have performed well or have followed through on a task. They may even do a complete about-face. You tell them how glad you are that they are trying a new food, and they promptly spit it out. You tell them how proud you are that they are wearing underwear, and they go back to demanding pull-ups.

When kids reject praise, there may be several underlying issues at play:

They’re self-conscious and don’t like people calling attention to them

They may process praise as pressure and feel like you’re evaluating their performance—which, in fact, you are. This can be stifling, not motivating, for kids. The flipside of praise is disappointment. You praise their goal in soccer, so in their next competition, if they don’t score, they worry they’re letting you down.

Kids perceive that praise as a tool for control, which, in fact, it is

We praise the behaviors we want to see more of, and they know it. For........

© Psychology Today