The Importance of Forgiveness

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Recently, someone I love hurt me. I don't understand why, and this person has withdrawn from all communication. The pain seems to vacillate with anger and self-pity. How could they do this to me?

Now the hurt of their abandonment has led me to think about how to move past the pain without locking the door for this person to return. I want repair to be possible. I’m holding out hope for that. So I'm starting by cultivating compassion.

Staying hurt and angry is exhausting. You know the feeling: You ruminate, replaying the words or the hurtful behavior over and over in your mind. The memory intrudes when you least expect it; your chest tightens, and you imagine what you wish you could say or do to the one who hurt you. Maybe you feel righteously angry; maybe you imagine retaliating. Then, perhaps, you cry.

This can go on for a long time—at which point you might start to worry that it's affecting your life, your mental health, or other relationships.

Compassion Isn’t the Same as Forgiveness

Holding compassion isn’t the same as forgiving. In Buddhist practice, compassion begins by recognizing that all beings share the exact same desire to be happy and avoid pain. Paired with wisdom, one wishes that all living beings may be free from suffering and its root causes.

Compassion may also be viewed as the recognition that the one who hurt you is a flawed, struggling human rather than a monster. That recognition lets your feelings soften........

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