The Challenges of Divorce

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Divorce can bring siblings closer or create distance, shaping lifelong dynamics between them.

Sibling roles like protector, scapegoat, or caretaker often persist well into adulthood post-divorce.

Open conversations help adult siblings repair bonds and reframe childhood divorce roles together.

“I think our parents’ divorce brought my sister and me closer than ever. We got each other through those hard years,” Jonah told me. “She was my rock,” Jonah added. “Our parents weren’t very stable then, so we held on to each other instead. She was my protector.”

Another client, Frank, describes another common change in sibling dynamics. “My brother withdrew and shut down when I needed to lean on him. He turned to friends for support, and I felt lost without him. He grew more and more distant, and our relationship has never recovered.

Same event, opposite outcomes — this is what divorce does to the bond between siblings. While most divorce advice focuses on the parent-child relationship, siblings often become each other's most important attachment figures during the divorce.

How divorce reshapes sibling dynamics

When parents are overwhelmed by emotions, conflict, or the time-consuming logistics of divorce, siblings often turn to each other. The shared experience can bring siblings closer, or it can divide them, depending on each child’s temperament and often on how each child perceives the divorce.

Sometimes an older sibling assumes a caretaking role with the younger siblings, as my client, Jonah, experienced.

Sometimes children have........

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