There are two good reasons not to have written what follows. The first is that this is an old topic that has been tackled by much more capable people. The second is that I’m really not very popular myself. However, I do know popular people, have informally studied them, and wish to tell you about them. In each case, I will highlight a characteristic that may be an ability or skill, a motive, or simply a conscious choice that I have seen pay dividends for specific people. Following that, I will attempt to present additional evidence supportive of my assertion that this is a good way to be. Without further ado, three keys to becoming beloved. Names have been changed to protect the popular.

1. See Possibilities Everywhere

Growing up, the first lessons I learned about popularity were difficult. I found that people were liked for being special in some superficial way, usually at least partially beyond their (or my) control. They were tall, strong, talented, pretty, or something else I have never quite been, then or since. Humor, thankfully, was partially reinforced. Unfortunately, I never found kindness to be of much value, and it was often exceeded in power by its opposite: ruthlessness and vanity were frequently socially rewarded. People do like narcissists, at least at first (Back, Schmukle, & Egloff, 2010).

When I was about sixteen, I met a guy whom I’ll call Jack. Jack was of average height, build, and intelligence. Pleasant and funny, but not exceptionally so in either case. We played basketball together on the JV team, where he occasionally managed to get into a game if it wasn't close. The lack of surface exceptionality mattered little to me, as this wasn’t how I chose my friends. But shortly after becoming acquainted with Jack, I realized that literally everyone loved this guy. It was like knowing a real-life Ferris Bueller. I didn’t think much about it at the time—there’s a lot happening in high school. But given my particular scholarly interests, I’ve thought a lot about him in the years since—what made this person special?

After meeting many people since and thinking about one specific thing that might set Jack apart, I settled on an answer: Jack possessed an irrational, contagious optimism. Jack saw possibilities everywhere. Where I—and many others—saw just another boring Friday night in suburbia, he always thought something big was just about to happen. The universe just needed you to ask for it. And he was always asking for it. What are you doing right now? Nothing. Ok, let’s go. Where? You can come here, then we figure it out. It’s Wednesday at 6. Three other people........

© Psychology Today