Arthur and Martha had reached the age where, by 9 p.m., a nightly battle began: the quest for the elusive Eight Hours.

Achieving a full eight hours’ sleep was more difficult than getting their teenage grandkids to visit. They both eschewed taking sleeping pills.

“I read on a blog for ‘Vibrant Elders’ that the secret is thermal regulation,” Arthur announced, dragging a massive bag of ice into the bedroom. “Specifically, freezing your feet.”

Martha watched as her husband submerged his feet into a bucket of icy slush.

“Arthur, that’s for inflammation. You’re going to get frostbite, not REM sleep.”

“Nonsense, my dear,” he chattered, teeth clicking like a telegraph. “It shocks the pineal gland into submission.”

Ten minutes later, Arthur was in bed, wearing three pairs of wool socks and vibrating so violently he was practically blurring.

Martha had her own strategy: “The Lavender Fortress.”........

© Peterborough Examiner