“Imminent financial collapse,” United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres hysterically predicted in a Jan. 29 letter to all UN member states, saying his reputationally challenged organization is so cash-strapped that it will run out of money by July, close its iconic Manhattan headquarters in August and cancel its annual General Assembly meeting in September.

Most UN functions, including its Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, which claims to coordinate responses to global emergencies, may also sunset in the coming months due to lack of funds.

This gushing cavalcade of good news sounds more like a promise than a warning.

The institution in December foolishly approved a $3.45 billion budget it can’t afford, and less than a month later Guterres lamented “the urgency of the situation we now face.”

Cuts and layoffs are already underway. Morale is reportedly low.

“It’s now or never,” one UN spokesman told The New York Times. “We do not have the sort of cash reserves and the sort of liquidity to keep functioning.”

Paring down the diplospeak and cushy coverage in the former paper of record, Guterres and his broke lackeys sound more like spoiled teenage girls who........

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