Most Managers Avoid Giving Tough Feedback. Here Are 4 Ways to Fix That

These four moves can turn uncomfortable conversations into your most effective management tool.

If you’ve been avoiding or delaying giving critical feedback to your team, not only are you costing your company greatly, but you’re also not alone. Leadership IQ reports that 67 percent of managers do the same, and HR trusts only 35 percent of managers to handle those difficult conversations without them in the room.

Many startups don’t have an HR department, leaving those conversations to fall on the founder or their most trusted leaders. Hinting at a performance issue in 1:1s, sending Slack messages instead of having the conversation, or giving someone a vague review rather than a direct one (and then losing the person’s  – or the team’s – respect) anyway aren’t protecting anyone.  Done correctly, having these difficult conversations can be the highest-leverage thing you do as a leader. Here are four strategies to employ to master these conversations.

Call out the behavior, not the person

Lessen defensiveness from the start by focusing on the observable action rather than the traits of the person. For example, “That report went out with numerous errors twice now” is better than “You’ve become careless.” One opens the conversation, whereas the other attacks the human being. Observe the situation – the report going out with errors – state the behavior – QA/QC is not being done, then state the impact that has: hurts the firm’s credibility at best, devastates revenue as a worst case, depending on what the errors were. 

Ditch the blame, set the bar

No one wants to be at fault, regardless of how obvious it is. Skip pointing fingers and simply state the expectation: “Here’s what the standard of this role is.” For deliverables, “This is the expectation of finals we send.” This shifts from accusation to a shared standard.

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Dropping hints and beating around the bush doesn’t provide a measurable description of where the gap between performance and expectation lies. Don’t conflate kindness with cushioning, spending minutes building someone up before finally stating the issue. Not only does that obscure the message, but it also signals your distrust in their ability to handle reality. State the issue, kindly, in the first 60 seconds of the conversation. Being direct is a form of respect. Stating, “This role requires a higher level of consistency than we’ve been seeing. Specifically, [insert specific, plain examples]. I want to support you in getting there so we can see improvement in this area. Let’s talk through what needs to change.”

Acknowledge the elephant

Sometimes there’s a dynamic the whole team is orbiting: a co-founder tension, a role mismatch, a missed milestone nobody’s officially acknowledged, conflict with team members who have become close friends, or those you were once on the “same level” with.

Call it out. Naming it isn’t creating the problem; the problem already exists. Saying “I think we’ve both been avoiding this” resets the conversation and gives the other person permission to be honest, too. Silence around obvious things erodes trust faster than the thing itself.

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