This article appears as part of the Unspun: Scottish Politics newsletter.

For those who like their news weird, unpleasant and with a twist of buffoonish absurdity, the Alba Party has been a veritable cornucopia since its inception.

Who doesn’t remember the halcyon days, not long after it was launched as a revenge vehicle and vanity project by Alex Salmond, when the party began its candidate selection process? Can we forget, for instance, the profound thoughts from boxer Alex Arthur?

 I reproduce his Twitter statement here in full, in the same humble but dutiful fashion as the compiler of Shakespeare’s First Folio preserved the Bard’s words: “Them Romanian beggars in Edinburgh ain’t hungry!! Just drove past them all ready to switch up begging posts and ALL em fat as big juicy over fed [pig emoji] pigs! [crying with laughter emoji].”

Scholars will ponder the profundity of this statement for generations. 

Then came Alba’s’s incredible electoral performance, with the party winning anywhere between 0.5% to 1.6% of the Scottish vote.

Still, Alba had three sparkling representatives in the Scottish and UK parliaments: Kenny MacAskill, Neale Hanvey and Ash Regan. They were all SNP defectors, though. And Regan later quit to sit as an independent.

Joy continued unabated for many a year, as Alba bowled the country over with increasingly ridiculous behaviour and bonkers statements. 

Last April, we were treated to the news that Christopher McEleny, Alba’s general-secretary, was suspended from the party after being “dismissed” from his role for alleged “gross misconduct”.

A “source close” to the poor chap, said: “Chris is very upset … He only learned about this latest decision via the press, on Good Friday - a day that anyone who knows him knows he spends at church.”

Thoughts and prayers, indeed, all round.

Read more from Neil Mackay:

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The same “source” said Alex Salmond - by this stage dead six months - would be “angry” at how the former general-secretary had been treated.

Alba dissolved into a pool of its own chaos from this point onwards. It was reported at the time that: “McEleny’s firing … followed claims that then acting leader Kenny MacAskill had been suspended from the party after accusations of bullying and harassment were levelled against him.”

MacAskill denied the claims and said the attempt to suspend him was made by an “individual acting outwith the limits of their powers”.

Honestly, life as a Kremlinologist is easier than trying to work out what the hell is going on within this strange party.

Skip forward to today and Alba is more chaotic, daft and embarrassing than before. Hard to believe, but completely true.

"Skip forward to today and Alba is more chaotic, daft and embarrassing than before. Hard to believe, but completely true." (Image: PA)

In late February, MacAskill - now leader - said Alba was unlikely to field any candidates in May’s election due to lack of funds. He claimed the financial difficulties were the result of the party being defrauded.

Police have been investigating alleged “irregularities” in Alba’s finances. Reports last year claimed the police inquiry was looking into allegations that expenses claims were made in relation to firms which did not exist.

Then last week, Alba ‘rebels’ called for an emergency referendum so members could decide whether to “fight” or “fold”. 

As the entire nation - bar the 0.5% who voted Alba - shouted ‘fold!’, former SNP MP Angus MacNeil (aye, him), Tommy Sheridan (aye, him too), and Salmond’s niece Christina Hendry set up the Alba Continuation Group.

It’s rumoured the People’s Front of Judea (or was it the Judean People’s Front?) considered suing for plagiarism.

Speaking of law suits, there were other reports last year about Alba facing potential legal action after being accused of defaming former general-secretary Christopher McEleny. 

He apparently instructed lawyers to take action to force Alba to “cease and desist further smears”, which he says were intended to injure his reputation and “exert pressure on Police Scotland”.

Then last week, it emerged a “transitional leadership team” had formed to give “hundreds of thousands of pro-independence voters” the chance to back Alba. Surely they just meant ‘hundreds’? Maybe it's a typo?

An Alba spokesperson said, however, that any leadership change required members voting and that hadn’t happened.

The Alba rebels/Continuation Group/People’s Front of Judea have apparently taken legal advice after the party’s actual leadership team failed to respond to calls for their emergency referendum.

As Alba factionalism morphed into a kindergarten version of Game of Thrones, it emerged that the party was now “financially insolvent”. 

An official spokesperson said that the Alba rebels/Continuation Group/Judean People’s Front were “unwilling to face that reality”.

Look, the whole moon-howling bunch of them are unwilling to face reality. You know that old expression - ‘it’s like two bald men fighting over a comb’? Well, that’s Alba. They are bald as billiards and they all want to hold on to that damn comb or die trying.

Shut up shop, folks. Go home. Have a lie down. Please.

The irony is that this mob has done nothing but damage independence from the get-go. They brought a fevered and conspiratorial culture warrior vibe to the Yes movement which nobody liked or wanted.

They should perhaps take a leaf out of the book of a reader who wrote to the National newspaper. This reader had jumped ship from the SNP to Alba. Then as Alba seemed ready to sink under the waves, they jumped back again, returning to the SNP.

Hardly a great look, but at least it makes more sense than standing on the deck of the Titanic arguing over who’s the captain as the waves rise over your head.

Neil Mackay is the Herald’s Writer-at-Large. He’s a multi-award winning investigative journalist, author of both fiction and non-fiction, and a filmmaker and broadcaster. He specialises in intelligence, security, extremism, crime, social affairs, cultural commentary, and foreign and domestic politics

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