“Lukh kya wanen?” — What might people say?

I can confidently say that almost every Kashmiri, regardless of age, has heard this phrase at some point in their life. In today’s society, many of our decisions are, directly or indirectly, influenced by this very thought. Over time, this phrase has come to exert a significant impact on our lives. Whenever we attempt to make an important decision, we are often reminded of it by someone around us: “Lukh kya wanen?”

Many individuals eventually abandon their personal choices and aspirations because of this mindset. At first glance, it may appear to be a minor consideration. However, people often fail to realize how profoundly their genuine preferences and ambitions become suppressed under the weight of this social expectation. Consider a simple example: when someone tries on an outfit, the first thought that often arises is, “Will people approve of me in this?” In reality, most people rarely notice such details, yet the fear of social judgment continues to dominate our thinking.

Another common concern within many Kashmiri households revolves around the question: “What will our child become in the future?” In numerous cases, parents tend to consider only a limited range of professions—most notably becoming a doctor or an engineer. I am not suggesting that this mindset applies to everyone, but it has long been an established and widely accepted tradition in Kashmir, and in many instances it continues even today, despite gradual changes. As a result, many young individuals find themselves caught between expectations and personal aspirations. A career is one of the most significant decisions in a person’s life, and ideally it should be chosen after careful reflection and genuine self-understanding. Ultimately, it is the individual who must live with the consequences of that choice.

I can personally relate to this mindset because I once made a decision influenced by this very notion. At that time, I found myself feeling directionless and uncertain about my path. I remained in that field for nearly two years. During that period, I gradually realized that the field was not truly suited for me—or perhaps more accurately, that I was not suited for it. Despite this realization, I continued to suppress my feelings because I lacked the courage to openly express them. The same thought repeatedly troubled me: “What will people say if I leave this field?”Alhamdulillah, my father noticed the subtle signs that something was wrong. Without hesitation, he offered immense support. I still remember his words, which I am reiterating here exactly as he said them:“Beta, I won’t feel bad. Just think about it and tell me what your decision is. Don’t worry—I am here to fight everyone.”Those words gave me the courage I needed. Eventually, I made the decision to leave that field.

However, even after making that decision, the journey was not easy. It took me nearly two years to regain my confidence and rebuild myself emotionally and mentally. During that time, I faced considerable stigma and criticism from various people around me. Nevertheless, I managed to confront and overcome many of those challenges. Today, I find myself in a field that I have chosen for myself, and most importantly, I can say that I am genuinely happy. People still continue to express their opinions and judgments, but I have learned to prioritize my inner peace and my professional aspirations above everything else. Let people speak; I know that I have my father’s support beside me.

I strongly believe in the saying: “Those who truly want to help you will help you; they do not merely speak. And those who only speak often do not intend to help.”

Even after two years, however, the fear of judgment had not completely disappeared from my heart. Around that time, our university established a Centre for Wellness and Health for individuals who might benefit from counseling services. A medical officer at the university suggested that I visit the center. Initially, I was somewhat skeptical about the idea. However, after some consideration, I decided to give it a chance. I attended three to four counseling sessions, and I began to notice a meaningful difference in my perspective and emotional well-being. The experience proved to be genuinely helpful.

Based on my own experience, I would like to encourage anyone who might be facing similar challenges to consider seeking professional counseling. It can truly make a positive difference. At some point, one must reflect on what truly matters more: the opinions of others or one’s own peace and happiness.

In conclusion, I would like to encourage everyone not to give excessive importance to the phrase “Lukh kya wanen.” While societal opinions may carry some relevance, they should not be allowed to dominate one’s personal or professional decisions.

If you ever find yourself feeling confused or directionless, it is important to speak with someone you trust—whether it is an elder, a mentor, or anyone with whom you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts. At the very least, speak with your parents. In most circumstances, they will stand beside you and support you unconditionally.

Ultimately, your peace of mind, personal fulfillment, and happiness should never be overshadowed by the fear of what others might say.

Kashif Afroz Khan Student at IUST, Awantipora

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