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Paul RudnickThe New Yorker |
Ideas for under the tree: Expired canned goods? Nonworking appliance? Unwanted adult child?
What does getting buried in Isabella Rossellini’s mulch have in common with being turned into a human snack tray by Sydney Sweeney? Grant money.
While they’re asleep, I’ll use a Sharpie to scrawl “NOT ME” on the front-runners’ faces.
Note 1: Use clip of her smiling, but crop out Putin and Chernobyl.