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John Boston

John Boston

Santa Clarita Valley Signal

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John Boston | Here’s a Novel Idea for a Post Thanksgiving

George Bernard Shaw once offered a toothy observation about Christianity. He said it was a great religion. Maybe someone should try practicing it...

29.11.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | The All-Nude Courthouse Council Statue

I, JOHN BOSTON, am happier than a puppy with two you-know-whats, to present today’s column. I think it’s important that the citizens of SClarita...

22.11.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | The Bee and the Last Days of Babylon …

There’s a website that I worship in this twisted, love/hate relationship. It’s the Babylon Bee. I’d add a “dot.com” to it, but management...

15.11.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Santa Clarita Needs a Statue of Anteaus

Antaeus was the Greek king and giant who fought Heracles and lost. His name is the root of the prefix of “anti,” meaning, “opponent,” or, “I...

07.11.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | The Big History SCV Halloween Trick or Treat

It’s actually Halloween smack dab today and I thought what better 5-pound box o’ See’s Candy (the no-nuts version) treat to give my two loyal...

01.11.2025 1

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John Boston

John Boston | Mr. SCV Needs a Monkey for His Windshield

I need a monkey. A small one. A can-do monkey who doesn’t mind getting his paws soaked in white vinegar, dish soap and Windex. No. That’s not the...

25.10.2025 1

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John Boston

John Boston | Granny, Ike & the Cost of Disneyland

When I was 6, I was pretty upset with the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics’ First Secretary Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev. The shoe-pounding...

18.10.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | On Cats & the Elusive ‘IT’ Factor

Many years ago, I took an acting class. Missing was any delusion that I’d be the future Brad Pitt. I just wanted to improve my writing by bringing...

11.10.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Here, in Santa Clarita, I See Crazy People

Something wrong has happened to us. It’s never any one event. Rather, death by a thousand paper cuts.  In the same week, I spotted essentially the...

04.10.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Where Am I Getting All My Owies?

I cannot recall owning a sharp-clawed Bengal tiger cub. Or, taking a part-time job as an underbrush-slashing jungle guide. I’m not currently seeing...

28.09.2025 6

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John Boston

John Boston | Elect Mr. SCV as Secretary of War

DEAR PRESIDENT TRUMP — Humbly I throw my hat (the one with the moose antlers, human eyeballs, spikes and barbed wire?) into the ring. I understand...

24.09.2025 10

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John Boston

John Boston | Jim Tanner: Nebraska’s Best Ever

If someone told me when I was a scrawny, scared student at Placerita Junior High in the early 1960s that I’d grow up to become many things,...

14.09.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Women Execs and 5-Limbed Chimpanzees

One million B.C., coincidentally the same time to the minute Raquel Welch appeared as that shapely Neanderthal babe in the movie of the same name, I...

09.09.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | This Labor Day, You May Already Be a Wiener …

Much to my undying shame, I recently discovered I was not doing my part in being an American. Oh, I vote. And when I do, whether it’s for dog...

29.08.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | I’ve Slept In Better ‘Joints’ Than This …

“Ow?”  I have a dear doctor pal who has this intriguing habit of looking up not just the meaning of words, but their origins. It’s both...

23.08.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | What the City Needs is the SClarita V. Zoo

This is not exactly a new idea of mine. I was a teen when it first hit me that what my riparian community desperately needed — besides shoes and...

15.08.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | The Halcyon Days of 22¢ a Gallon Gas

Byron Wardlaw and I were close chums in high school, Hart, to be specific, Forever Home to The Mighty Indians and not those nuevo bird flu hawks...

08.08.2025 1

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John Boston

John Boston | There’s No Fortunes in the Cookies

I am miffed at yet another cherished American institution that has fallen by the wayside. I’m talking about the Chinese fortune cookie.  My...

01.08.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Me and the Neanderthals Forget Stuff

The other day I was trying to figure out if ever, in my lifetime, I had to sprint back into the house three times for things I had forgotten.  I...

25.07.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Make Mr. SCV the City’s Next Planning Czar!

Dear City o’ SClarita City Council — Pals! I write today to beseech you to cease and desist in your search for a new planning commissioner. Why?...

18.07.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Warfare de Gorillas & The Evil Eye

My first run-in with war was when I was 5. I was playing in the living room and my handsome young father was in the overstuffed chair, reading the...

11.07.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Let’s Now Ban Sore Throats Due to Hoarseness?

Once, I snapped at Ruth Newhall. In the newsroom. Strangest thing? I am here, alive, and able to talk about my death-inviting stupidity.  It was...

04.07.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | So How Much Leeway Do I Get in My Will?

I’ve grown fond of publicly writing the phrase, “as I begin to approach middle age.” It irritates many literal thinkers with sound math and...

27.06.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | On Schopenhauer, Father’s Day & Quiet Desperation

Hardly a day goes by where I don’t think of my dad. One of the great gifts of my lifetime was being able to spend time with him his final […] The...

13.06.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Mr. SCV’s 1st SCV Butt Ugly Annual Awards

Today my column is about ugliness. When we bandy about the word, “ugly,” we’re not talking about You-Know-Who’s wife and what she actually...

30.05.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Let’s Punch the Colorado Rockies in the Tummy…

I shan’t shed a tear over the Colorado Rockies 21-0 loss recently to San Diego. After all. The Padres were on a sugar high from getting a new pope....

23.05.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | No Way That’s Me on My Cal Driver’s License

DEAR STEVE GORDON, DIRECTOR, CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES — I place my 10 little adept digits to keyboard this fine May morn, Steve, with...

16.05.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | In Defense of a Guy Liking a Tiny Dancer

Normally, being a male suppressor, or, as we used to call ourselves, “a guy,” I would not discuss belly dancing in public, certainly not with a...

09.05.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | When Once Upon a Time I Was 13 …

My godson’s son’s birthday was last week. Riley turned 13 and those with kids know that years shrink to minutes when nostalgia raises its weepy...

02.05.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Henry ‘Hold the’ Mayo Hospital? Please Marry Me!

DEAR KEVIN A. KLOCKENGA, CEO & MOST HIGH HOLY MUCKY-MUCK CEO OF HENRY MAYO NEWHALL HOSPITAL — First, Kevin, phew. I wish The Signal paid me by the...

25.04.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Finally. Common Sense on SCV’s Water Issues.

DEAR MR. SANTA CLARITA VALLEY — I place digits to laptop to protest the current sorry state of local Santa Clarita Valley water, how it’s being...

18.04.2025 10

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John Boston

John Boston | Castaic Dog Catcher Stops Trump’s Orders

JOHN BOSTON NATIONAL NEWS SERVICES — In a major upheaval of the three branches of federal government, a lone dog catcher in Santa Clarita, a yuppie...

11.04.2025 8

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John Boston

John Boston | Earth’s Strongest Man Cannot Open a Tiny Gatorade

So. I  had an embarrassing moment the other day. I was lunching at Whole Foods, a dangerous proposition in itself. Sometimes, the buffet is a...

04.04.2025 10

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John Boston

John Boston | The Tossing of AYSO Trophies Into a Dumpster

Funny how much I’ve been thinking about my dad lately. I used to keep my trophies at his acreage and, one day, we had a minor earthquake. Boxes fell...

28.03.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | City Hall, Help Save the Old Courthouse!

I’d attach a kind estimate that 99% of the dear citizens of Santa Clarita know not a thing about that old, beige building on the northwest corner of...

21.03.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Being Bat-Poop Crazy Actually IS the Problem

My dad, dear, lovable angel of a person, Walt Cieplik, died crazy. There was a never a kinder man. The twin devils of Alzheimer’s and dementia took...

14.03.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | WOKE is Dead. Bring Back the Mighty Indian.

Somewhere, safely wrapped away, is my old Hart letterman’s jacket. Me being me, I couldn’t just stick with the traditional maroon and grey school...

08.03.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | If a Half-Million Locals Showed Up with Pies

When she was little, my dear sweetie pie daughter and I were strolling down the ancient wooden sidewalks of Melody Ranch a few days before the Cowboy...

28.02.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | George. I Need More USAID Federal Grants

DEAR CONGRESSMAN GEORGE WHITESIDES: My apologies for my debilitating tardiness, George. I’ve been meaning to ask you for a few favors since your...

21.02.2025 7

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John Boston

John Boston | Here’s the SCV’s Anti-Valentine’s Romance Primer

Today the valley will be abuzz with a flurry of romantic activity ranging from true love to Fear For Your Life guilt. It’s Valentine’s Day. On...

14.02.2025 7

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John Boston

John Boston | City Moons Us with Orch/Vill Clown Cones

A poker game, thrown tomato, a rotting corpse and a lazy-asterisks honorary mayor were ultimately responsible for the creation of our city. Long...

07.02.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | The Answer to SoCal’s Current Wildfire Crises

Many years ago, I met this tech exec at the nosebleed levels of Microsoft management. Wish there was flirtation to spice up the story. Sorry....

31.01.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | City Hall’s New Eyesore of Giant White Salamis

Old-timers love to wax nostalgic about the good old days, how beauty and poetry flew lazily across the Santa Clarita Valley, like butterflies and...

24.01.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Fortine’s SSA# & Bodice Pals on Facebook

So it’s no big secret. I’m on Facebook. I keep up with the goings-on of old and dear high school chums, former workplace clock watchers and...

17.01.2025 30

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John Boston

John Boston | The Annual 2024 (‘ish’) Palmdale Christmas Letter

DEAR FAM & LOOSELY ASSOCIATED FELONS — Drat I know I’m later than an Antelope Valley junior college teen bride sans moral compass with our annual...

03.01.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘Suddenly,’ It Somehow Isn’t 1954 in Newhall

I am forever wealthy for the memories I’ve built in this Santa Clarita, from being a skinny and lost kid here in the 1950s, living in the old hotel...

20.12.2024 5

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘Pah-don Me,’ on the Lone Prairie, Mr. President …

I am a complete knucklehead for attempting to share a physical impersonation in a poorly written text commentary. So. What else is new? One of my...

13.12.2024 7

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John Boston

John Boston | Turkey Day: The Key to Daily Life

I am blessed with many Thanksgiving adventures, ridiculous to sublime. My dear niece-like substance Stefanie is now climbed up and over the half-...

29.11.2024 6

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John Boston

John Boston | A Caveat re: Pulling Our SCV Together

Since I was a kid, writing for this most amazing, unique and eclectic swashbuckling newspaper, I’ve viewed The Mighty Signal’s editorials as...

22.11.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | L.U.S.T. and My Overdue GOP Tantrum

Unlucky and woeful me. I never got the memo. That was four years ago when Joe Biden, the absolute moron sandwich-eating worst leader since Vlad the...

15.11.2024 2

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John Boston