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John Boston

John Boston

Santa Clarita Valley Signal

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John Boston | Let’s Now Ban Sore Throats Due to Hoarseness?

Once, I snapped at Ruth Newhall. In the newsroom. Strangest thing? I am here, alive, and able to talk about my death-inviting stupidity.  It was...

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John Boston

John Boston | So How Much Leeway Do I Get in My Will?

I’ve grown fond of publicly writing the phrase, “as I begin to approach middle age.” It irritates many literal thinkers with sound math and...

27.06.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | On Schopenhauer, Father’s Day & Quiet Desperation

Hardly a day goes by where I don’t think of my dad. One of the great gifts of my lifetime was being able to spend time with him his final […] The...

13.06.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Mr. SCV’s 1st SCV Butt Ugly Annual Awards

Today my column is about ugliness. When we bandy about the word, “ugly,” we’re not talking about You-Know-Who’s wife and what she actually...

30.05.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Let’s Punch the Colorado Rockies in the Tummy…

I shan’t shed a tear over the Colorado Rockies 21-0 loss recently to San Diego. After all. The Padres were on a sugar high from getting a new pope....

23.05.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | No Way That’s Me on My Cal Driver’s License

DEAR STEVE GORDON, DIRECTOR, CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES — I place my 10 little adept digits to keyboard this fine May morn, Steve, with...

16.05.2025 2

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John Boston

John Boston | In Defense of a Guy Liking a Tiny Dancer

Normally, being a male suppressor, or, as we used to call ourselves, “a guy,” I would not discuss belly dancing in public, certainly not with a...

09.05.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | When Once Upon a Time I Was 13 …

My godson’s son’s birthday was last week. Riley turned 13 and those with kids know that years shrink to minutes when nostalgia raises its weepy...

02.05.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Henry ‘Hold the’ Mayo Hospital? Please Marry Me!

DEAR KEVIN A. KLOCKENGA, CEO & MOST HIGH HOLY MUCKY-MUCK CEO OF HENRY MAYO NEWHALL HOSPITAL — First, Kevin, phew. I wish The Signal paid me by the...

25.04.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Finally. Common Sense on SCV’s Water Issues.

DEAR MR. SANTA CLARITA VALLEY — I place digits to laptop to protest the current sorry state of local Santa Clarita Valley water, how it’s being...

18.04.2025 10

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John Boston

John Boston | Castaic Dog Catcher Stops Trump’s Orders

JOHN BOSTON NATIONAL NEWS SERVICES — In a major upheaval of the three branches of federal government, a lone dog catcher in Santa Clarita, a yuppie...

11.04.2025 8

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John Boston

John Boston | Earth’s Strongest Man Cannot Open a Tiny Gatorade

So. I  had an embarrassing moment the other day. I was lunching at Whole Foods, a dangerous proposition in itself. Sometimes, the buffet is a...

04.04.2025 10

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John Boston

John Boston | The Tossing of AYSO Trophies Into a Dumpster

Funny how much I’ve been thinking about my dad lately. I used to keep my trophies at his acreage and, one day, we had a minor earthquake. Boxes fell...

28.03.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | City Hall, Help Save the Old Courthouse!

I’d attach a kind estimate that 99% of the dear citizens of Santa Clarita know not a thing about that old, beige building on the northwest corner of...

21.03.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Being Bat-Poop Crazy Actually IS the Problem

My dad, dear, lovable angel of a person, Walt Cieplik, died crazy. There was a never a kinder man. The twin devils of Alzheimer’s and dementia took...

14.03.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | WOKE is Dead. Bring Back the Mighty Indian.

Somewhere, safely wrapped away, is my old Hart letterman’s jacket. Me being me, I couldn’t just stick with the traditional maroon and grey school...

08.03.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | If a Half-Million Locals Showed Up with Pies

When she was little, my dear sweetie pie daughter and I were strolling down the ancient wooden sidewalks of Melody Ranch a few days before the Cowboy...

28.02.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | George. I Need More USAID Federal Grants

DEAR CONGRESSMAN GEORGE WHITESIDES: My apologies for my debilitating tardiness, George. I’ve been meaning to ask you for a few favors since your...

21.02.2025 6

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John Boston

John Boston | Here’s the SCV’s Anti-Valentine’s Romance Primer

Today the valley will be abuzz with a flurry of romantic activity ranging from true love to Fear For Your Life guilt. It’s Valentine’s Day. On...

14.02.2025 6

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John Boston

John Boston | City Moons Us with Orch/Vill Clown Cones

A poker game, thrown tomato, a rotting corpse and a lazy-asterisks honorary mayor were ultimately responsible for the creation of our city. Long...

07.02.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | The Answer to SoCal’s Current Wildfire Crises

Many years ago, I met this tech exec at the nosebleed levels of Microsoft management. Wish there was flirtation to spice up the story. Sorry....

31.01.2025 4

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John Boston

John Boston | City Hall’s New Eyesore of Giant White Salamis

Old-timers love to wax nostalgic about the good old days, how beauty and poetry flew lazily across the Santa Clarita Valley, like butterflies and...

24.01.2025 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Fortine’s SSA# & Bodice Pals on Facebook

So it’s no big secret. I’m on Facebook. I keep up with the goings-on of old and dear high school chums, former workplace clock watchers and...

17.01.2025 30

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John Boston

John Boston | The Annual 2024 (‘ish’) Palmdale Christmas Letter

DEAR FAM & LOOSELY ASSOCIATED FELONS — Drat I know I’m later than an Antelope Valley junior college teen bride sans moral compass with our annual...

03.01.2025 3

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘Suddenly,’ It Somehow Isn’t 1954 in Newhall

I am forever wealthy for the memories I’ve built in this Santa Clarita, from being a skinny and lost kid here in the 1950s, living in the old hotel...

20.12.2024 5

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘Pah-don Me,’ on the Lone Prairie, Mr. President …

I am a complete knucklehead for attempting to share a physical impersonation in a poorly written text commentary. So. What else is new? One of my...

13.12.2024 7

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John Boston

John Boston | Turkey Day: The Key to Daily Life

I am blessed with many Thanksgiving adventures, ridiculous to sublime. My dear niece-like substance Stefanie is now climbed up and over the half-...

29.11.2024 6

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John Boston

John Boston | A Caveat re: Pulling Our SCV Together

Since I was a kid, writing for this most amazing, unique and eclectic swashbuckling newspaper, I’ve viewed The Mighty Signal’s editorials as...

22.11.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | L.U.S.T. and My Overdue GOP Tantrum

Unlucky and woeful me. I never got the memo. That was four years ago when Joe Biden, the absolute moron sandwich-eating worst leader since Vlad the...

15.11.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Tush. Shush. Let’s Have a Day of Quiet.

My daughter and I are not mall people. Or Disneyland people. We like music, but not noise. It was about 10 years ago when we were at the Northridge...

08.11.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | John Loves America. And It Loves John.

What on Earth is this thing I’ve done? Dare I say — “Again?”   All this time, energy that has mysteriously disappeared, the specter that this...

01.11.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | My New Inc.: Take Out the Trash-O-Genics

So I’m thinking about creating a new high-tech start-up and already I’m faced with debilitating roadblocks. First, there’s the fact that when it...

25.10.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | I’m Part of an Ongoing Investigation

Here I am, so close to middle age. I so could have used this expression in school, at work, in relationships, when pulled over far too many times...

18.10.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘I’m Just a Bartender, on a 3-Hour Tour’

I don’t know if Ricky Deising slept with one of Genghis Khan’s wives in a previous life to warrant banishment to South Russia or if Ricky D’s the...

04.10.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Forget the Wolf. Buffoonocracy Is at Our Door.

I participated in my first-ever Trump rally last weekend. Sat in a giant thwoppida-thwoppida diesel pickup with a dear pal driving. I’m guessing...

27.09.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | $300 to Rent a Mailbox, 73¢ to Mail a Letter

My first instinct is to point a gnarled index finger at just — SOMEBODY. With email, texts, UPS, FedEx, the 21st century forest deity of...

20.09.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | My 1st Cigarette & My Very Last Stinkpot Cigar

It lay abandoned, on the department store floor, toy aisle if memory serves. I pretty much lived The Childhood Unsupervised and was in third grade....

06.09.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | Names of Places & People We’ve Long Forgotten

My daughter was home for a scant three weeks and one of our favorite things is to run errands around the valley where I can bore her to tears with...

30.08.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | O Rare and Unhyphenated Ben Shapiro

DEAR BEN SHAPIRO — Thank you, sir, for testifying, with Cyrano-like elan, before Congress recently about liberal censorship. You and I point out...

23.08.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | The High Holy Sanctuary of a Dark Screen

Back when I was little, I fretted about existential crises, like would I be required to smoke cigarettes as a grown-up, or, how, or, more...

16.08.2024 9

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John Boston

John Boston | What Bears & Iron Man Do in the Woods

I swim. Regularly. I actually cheat-swim in that sometimes I use small swim flippers, which makes the difference of racing through the water in an...

09.08.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | Making a Case for Healthy Intolerance

Right off the bat, here’s two competing concepts. Each day, each moment, is filled with uncountable blessings. We take in life-giving breaths...

02.08.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | In Praise of Tall Trees and Latchkey Kids

I’m long past my tree-climbing days, but that doesn’t stop me from staring. From my office huge picture window, I often slouch, put my feet up and...

19.07.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | The Soothing & Pretend World of Jed Bartlet

I am a 21st-century man, unable to free myself from my computer. I write books and columns, edit videos and am in the midst of starting yet another...

12.07.2024 1

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John Boston