The men at work call each other ‘mate’. Why does it make me uncomfortable?

October 23, 2026 — 2:00am

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I work in a male-dominated field. There are a few men who greet each other with handshakes and use “mate” to address each other a lot. This is not extended to the female members of the team. The females don’t use an equivalent “babe” or “darl”.

It makes me feel excluded when I know I shouldn’t. They are lovely people doing something well-meaning, but at the same time it makes me feel uncomfortable as it is blokey and exclusive. I am the most senior woman of the team and know that some of the younger women think the culture is a bit of a boys’ club. Is this part of it?

I know you were a little bit hesitant about even sending your email to me, so I’ll start by saying a sincere thanks for having the courage to make your worries public (anonymously, of course).

I think your nagging concern about this situation is something felt by many people at work, especially when they know their colleagues are not being malicious and........

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